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If you want to extend the life of your tree and encourage it to grow better fruit, you have to prune it. Pruning fruit trees is the thing to do, because that allows sunlight to reach all areas of the tree. I was determined not to call someone to do this for me, so I armed myself with a ladder and my best sewing scissors. I managed to get the ladder opened after thirty minutes and a pinched thumb, and then I climbed right up that thing feeling like Jack on the beanstalk.

Then I reached the first limb, and even though I suddenly realized that I knew nothing about pruning fruit trees, I was sure it wouldn't be too hard. I realized my scissors weren't going to do the job after I tried cutting a smaller limb from the tree. That's when I pulled out my husband's chain saw.

I figured it had to be better than those scissors. I didn't realize how loud it would sound and it startled me. I tossed it on the ground. Lucky for me the grass is soft, because I topped off the ladder afterwards. I swore at the stupid chain saw, then we back up the ladder with it. I was prepared this time; I started again.

Once again, I tried cutting that smaller limb. Did you know that chain saws are very sharp? I accidentally took out six limbs and went halfway through another one. About 1/4th of my tree was lying on the ground now. My precious tree! If I wasn't ticked off before, I sure was now. Not to mention the fact that when those limbs fell, one of them hit me right in the forehead and left a big scratch. I would not give up.

Grabbing the hedge shears, I started climbing the tree itself. After all, how hard can pruning fruit trees be? I accidentally kicked the ladder over on the way up.

I was absolutely fuming as I waited until my husband found me in that bleeping fruit tree. I was bleeding from the head and had dirt all over my butt. I walked back to the house as my husband laughed, but as I did I gave that tree a withering look and muttering, "Until next year!"